I was in the admin building today in UBD conducting some interviews. (Oh yes by the way, I resigned from my previous tourism job for a temporary post in Institute of Medicine, UBD – will talk more on this later) As I was walking out of the International Office, there was someone busily pasting pieces of papers on the wall, at Examinations. Curious, I went over like the true busy body you know I am and there it was. My degree classification staring right back at me like a child. And truly it is my baby. Something I nurtured and took care of for 4 years.
Oh I didn’t get something bombastic like First Class Honours of course, I got a predictable Lower Second Class Honours instead, which I am very happy about. But something tells me I should not be happy, I should be jubilant! Yet I’m not. I shrug off every congratulatory hug and phrase with a polite thank you and sometimes maybe a joke or two. But truth is I feel a sense of dread, eating me from the back of my mind.
And I know exactly why. It’s the uncertainty in me despite the certainty of what’s waiting for me when I finally graduate. It grabs me and pulls me into its clutches like a doomed rodent. I don’t regret the last 4 years, no, but I am sorry I didn’t have the same vision I had during my first year. I was ready then than I am now for what’s waiting in the real world.
Here’s an apology. I’m sorry but I shouldn’t have promised. I’m sorry I am disillusioned and jaded. I’m sorry but I’m changing my mind.